17 May 2021
When we speak about our affections and passions, it seems that people cannot live without it. But in reality, everything is preordained, and the actions that people take lead them to spiritual realization. This realization can be pleasurable or painful, but we attain realization in any case. This is our karma, cause-and-effect relationship.
Divorce as a breach of Dharma
You want everything in life to go smoothly but it’s hardly possible nowadays, because people come and make mistakes often acting hastily. Whenever you do something that’s not in the direction of goodness can lead to misfortune. Even actions that are considered good can cause troubles.
Just know that if you are doing good, righteous action, preserving Dharma — you are on the right track albeit not always pleasurable. You may experience certain tensions or find yourself in awkward situations, but eventually Dharma will lead you to goodness. You shouldn’t breach your Dharma and cosmic laws.
Divorce is a way to breach your Dharma. Once you marry, try to maintain your relationship and move on at least until you work everything off and leave nothing to cling on to. You won’t have to worry about your breakup if you preserve friendly, loving and respectful relationship. Each of you will have your own spiritual practice.
But if you still hold a grudge against your spouse, feel emotional stress or affection, don’t rush your divorce. You have to continue this journey together until both of you achieve a level of awareness high enough to feel free. When you feel free from each other, you will be able to move on lending each other a helping hand when needed.
Try not to breach the laws and promises you have given. Nowadays people come together and break up, there’s a lot of that going around. They hold resentments. Not all of them, of course, but many. Everyone can survive a divorce, there is nothing to be afraid of—in a week or two everything will settle down. However, an unfinished programme or an unfinished situation will catch you up next time.
If you quit now and walk away, just know that it will eventually catch you up—you’ll meet another person and the same thing will happen again. To avoid it, go the distance, work your karma off, learn the lessons, transform your experiences to positive energy, to light, to mutual respect and deep understanding. People must be grateful to each other—only then they can find freedom.
How to deal with painful effects of divorce
If you did get divorced, after all, and feel charged with negative energy, if you feel you owe something to the other person—pay this debt. Meet this person, have a heart-to-heart talk, clear everything up, admit your mistakes, say thank you and calm their soul and mind. If the person needs further help, don’t stop helping them, give them everything you owe.
When you feel that this person is happy and satisfied and there is no negative energy inside of you, you can wish happiness to each other and move on with no worries with your new family or alone. Sometimes sorting things out makes people get back together.
Striving for global understanding
In this sense I am against divorce. Once a man gives a promise, he must keep this promise and go all the way. But sometimes a woman doesn’t want to live with her husband. Here it’s important to understand why she doesn’t want to live with you, who you really are, what the right things to do in this situation are, and to find the way to learn these lessons.
Ultimately, if she finds you intolerable, find a woman who can tolerate you. You should work on yourself. When a person works on himself, he changes, and so does his environment. If there is something one of you doesn’t like, try to find out what is going on. If one of you likes pears and the other likes apples, it doesn’t mean you have to divorce. Conflicts generally arise at the domestic level, over small things. There is no global understanding, which is something to strive for.
I think if you have already had this experience and feel guilty, if you always hear the voice of conscience—it’s a good quality. If a feeling of guilt doesn’t let you relax—it’s a good state. Just go and sort things out with the other person. Be sure to act in goodness and with love.
Even when you have to punish someone, do it with love. If you want to speak your mind, Sai Baba’s advice is to do it with love showing no criticism, because criticism may hurt the person you are talking to and fuel the flame. Put out the fire but keep the embers—you may put them to good use one day.
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